Strength

I needed it this week…

Those Pokemon aren’t going to catch themselves, after all, amiright???

Seriously, though, this was a sickly and difficult week. Monday wasn’t so bad but on Tuesday, I came home from work with a dreadful sore throat and a low-grade fever. I felt pure exhaustion so I lay in my mothers bed with a cool cloth on my head watching Star Trek:  The Next Generation with my little sister. I was in and out and after taking two short naps I went to bed and slept for almost nine hours. I awoke in the morning feeling sort of better. Less tired at least. Still a bit stuffy.

Work wasn’t exactly nightmarish. However, I found myself being faced with my own limitations and mistakes quite a few times, a pastime I do not enjoy all that much. But I had to remind myself again and again that being faced with my own fragility is much more of a blessing than a curse. 

…..But I was able to catch a Scyther as I was leaving work yesterday. But still no Pikachu. 

Blast.

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Taking a Break

I don’t go in for long vacations. With my job, it’s difficult for me to take such a long period of time for myself but also I find week long vacations difficult to come back from and I find it even more challenging to adjust back into the regular work flow.

So I prefer to take long weekends here and there. And that’s what I did yesterday and today. I didn’t do much, aside from seeing a movie and dropping my little sister off at a bus station.

I needed the break too. Work has been very hard lately and there have been minor relational struggles in my life here and there that seem insurmountable right now…on top of that, I was beginning to get a dull ache in the left side of my chest every now and then. So, it goes without saying that I may have been letting my anxiety take control. And I needed time for myself so I took it.

Tomorrow, I’m going to get some important things done (helping Mom clean, packing things up, shopping online for a new bed, etc) hopefully.

Being Okay With All Of It

I don’t have what I want. Or at least I don’t have what I think I want. I think back to times in my life when, if I had just acted a certain way or said a certain thing, then I could have achieved something that I wanted. But I didn’t do those things and now I just look back on those times as missed opportunities. That leads to frustration. I can’t think like that for too long because I know that God ordered the events of my entire life from when I was born until the day that I die. So I can’t fault myself for not doing something or other, especially if it wasn’t what God had in mind for me. But this doesn’t stop my mind from running in circles.

Sometimes I think about my life and I’m glad. Sometimes I think about my life and I’m really not and I feel as though I really have screwed everything up beyond repair.

When I get into this mode of thinking, I begin to think about my life in terms of days, rather than as a cohesive whole. I find it much easier (and soothing) to think on this level instead. I can’t worry about what’s going to happen (or not going to happen) in five years or ten when I have today to focus on.

That’s why I’m glad God gave us days.