Its hard to let go of past experiences, especially those that cut you deeply.
Lately I have been wasting a lot of time thinking about where I’ve been and wishing that I had done things differently. I’ve been waking up at 4 o’clock in the morning, unable to go back to sleep because of the anxiety and self-hatred that buffets me.
It’s difficult to remember that God loves you in moments like these. Even if you do remember it, it’s difficult to feel it. It’s difficult to look past the suffering of the present time and know that God is working on you. It’s hard to find my strength there. It’s hard to find my hope there.
I’ll have to keep looking for it.