I have found recently that I have gotten by pretty well by just not thinking about certain things. There are some problems in my life that, instead of thinking through like I used to, I prefer to just bury them in reading, going on long walks, playing video games, doing laundry, etc.
I used to always try to think through my problems, even when I didn’t have time to do so because I was in college and my primary responsibility at the time was to be a good student and to get good grades in my classes. However, nowadays, when I actually have time to think through some of the things that I would like to, I tend more towards just putting them off because if I give thought to the bad stuff, I will devolve into a bad cycle of just mulling things over and getting nowhere.
I try to give the bad stuff to God because I can’t possibly think about all of it. That is, when I actually remember to pray. Which is not often, I am ashamed to say. I’m currently working on improving my abysmal prayer habits…
And now I want to be a little honest. I feel as though this blog has just been me whining and sounding pretentious. I don’t have an adorable or happy or exciting life to really talk about and sometimes I feel self-conscious about that. I use this blog to think through some things, as I’ve said before, but I’m still not sure if I’m getting anywhere with that.
I’m not sure what my point is for writing that last bit. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest. Because….to be honest…..sometimes I really hate myself. I don’t want to. It’s a big problem that I need to get rid of. Just not sure how to at the moment.
It’s been quite a week and I’ve had plenty of things to consider, both good and bad…
I’ve been very aware lately of just how big and scary the world is. This is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately, even though I try not to allow myself to be concerned about things that are largely out of my control. But sometimes my mind wanders to bad places and I begin to worry about things that I shouldn’t. A good friend of mine recently posted on her blog, “Do not worry about anything, but instead pray about everything.” There it is, folks. That’s really all we need. My hyperactive mind will continue to do more work than is necessary and worry itself to bits. However, I can always be assured that everything that I worry about is in the Lord’s hands and instead of worrying, I can just pray.
I don’t necessarily enjoy going to work (although the “new job” anxiety has all but worn off at this point) but I can honestly say that I find great joy in my commute. As I walk to the bus every morning, I listen to my ‘Walking’ playlist and it sets a lovely rhythm for me to start my day. Fall has come finally, so there is a briskness to the air that I enjoy as I walk, especially so when it’s sunny and the red and orange leaves on the ground look practically golden in the sunlight. Then, when I’m actually on the bus, and I’m lucky enough to get a window seat, I can look outside at the cars rolling past as well as in the other direction. Ever since I was young, nothing has relaxed me better (or set me to thinking more clearly) than watching the traffic roll past. At the end of a long day, it’s a joyous and lovely thing.
I’ve taken a liking to video games lately…. The whole time I was growing up I didn’t take that much of an interest in them outside of occasionally playing a Mario game… but now I’m playing Infamous: Second Son (and loving it) and I have the Bioshock trilogy, The Last of Us, and the Assassin’s Creed games in my mental queue of what to play next. When I’m not playing anything, I’m watching gameplay walkthroughs of games that I’m too scared to play myself (i.e. Alien: Isolation and Amnesia: The Dark Descent)
Reading continues to be a joyous pastime for me and I’m blessed to have the free time for it. I don’t always have the motivation for it though… I will find myself putting it off to do other things despite the fact that I love reading. Oh, well. I was always a slow reader and I try not to let it bother me too much. Maybe someday soon, I’ll talk about what books I’ve been reading. If I can get around to actually reading them!