Lately, I have been a professional worrier. I have had a lot of time to invest in worrying. But if I’m being honest with myself, I would worry, even if I didn’t have any time for it. I would make time. That’s how severe this problem is.
Worrying doesn’t only do bad things to your soul, it can also hurt your body. It can also hurt your relationships and cause you to neglect the people you love.
It is a constant battle that I fight and, at times, it leaves me exhausted. I’m thankful for my friends who have been listening. Because lately that is really all that I have been needing. Just an ear to collect all of these silly and worrisome tidbits that have been bouncing around in my head, plaguing me to no end.
I’m also thankful that God is here and everywhere and He knows how I feel. I’m thankful that He is using all of this to teach me something.
I don’t want to worry forever. I have been working so hard to get rid of it and I believe I can happily say that, in the past four years, I have made considerable progress. It has been the progress of a spiritual turtle but I’m not about to turn my nose up at it.
I’m just so thankful that God is here. And that my friends are here. And that I don’t have to do this all at once.
Today, I was in a bookstore with my wee sister. We were in the children’s section perusing the Lemony Snicket books remembering the good ol’ days when we read them together. On our way out, we happened past the Religion section. I backpedaled, curious about the sort of books there were. I came across one with a cute cover of a chubby bird perched on a leaf called “365 Devotions for Kids” by Sarah Young.
I was curious about it so I picked it up and opened it to a random page. The title at the top of the page was “While You Wait”. It went on to say
“Waiting is not an easy thing to do, but there is a lot of it in this world. You wait for birthdays to come; you wait for your ride to arrive; you wait in all kinds of lines. You even sometimes wait with worry for bad things that never happen.
Waiting on God is different. You are waiting for the perfect timing of His plans in your life. Waiting on Him means trusting Him with every fiber of your being instead of trying to figure it all out yourself. When you trust Him–when you wait for His timing–He will fill your life with blessings. He will give you strength and joy and hope. And He will give you His presence–while you wait.”
I worry. I’m scared of what’s coming. I’m scared of what may not be coming. But this was a blessing to see today, even in an unexpected place.
Today I tried to pray.
I did my best, as I walked around outside, but when I brought some things to the Lord that have been weighing heavily on my mind for quite some time, I burst into tears. So I stopped.
Prayer has been difficult for me lately.
Before I ended said prayer today I asked God to make it easier for me soon. Praying, that is.
I know that God is bigger than anything that any of us worry about but today it did not seem that way. And I feel awful about that.
I hope that tomorrow is better.
Sorry about the gloom; I just felt like sharing a little honesty.
Chores aren’t all that fun. I guess they’re not really supposed to be but they are necessary, not only to keep your home in working order but also as a refreshment for your soul. I know for me I’m much happier living in a clean environment than a messy one, within reason of course. I like to be cozy and I doubt that I would get along very well living in a house that was pristine all the time. It wouldn’t feel like home to me. But with that being said, being a slob is not my thing either.
These past couple of months I’ve been looking for work and at this time of transition between being a college student and becoming a full-fledged adult, I find myself wanting to be useful in whatever way that I can. I had the opportunity to help a friend clean their basement recently. Even though this task required a lot of standing and bending and my feet were more than a little sore by the end of it, I was being productive and helpful to my friend.
Another way that I try to be useful is by doing the dishes, occasionally making dinner, and cleaning where necessary around my own home. My mom does some of this herself but she works long hours and, on the days when she does work, she’s often too tired to do as much as she would like to. So I try to be as much of a help to her as I can. Needless to say, some days I am more motivated than others.
Even though I would rather be spending my days working an actual job where I get paid, doing the tasks that need to be done around the house is a necessary thing. Even if I was working, I would still feel compelled to help, of course! Our house is a gift from God and we are called to care for it.
So, though they be boring and tiresome and don’t seem to contribute much to the grand scheme of things, the chores that I do are necessary and healthy and I do my best to glorify God through them.
I begin this blog with quite a bit of trepidation. Usually I like to keep my inner thoughts private but, with this blog, I hope to share them with friends interested in perusing them.
Thus, I will be tasked with deciding which thoughts to lay bare and which to keep to myself.
This is going to be a tricky one and I ask that you please be patient with me. Anyone who knows me well will know that sometimes I speak without thinking and I let my tongue run away from me. This is not something unique to myself, as I’m sure this is a common problem among many different people.
However, I do hope to be wise with the things that I share. Sometimes getting your thoughts out there and allowing others to read them can be a useful exercise. Discussions can arise, solutions arrived at, and points of view not heretofore considered can be brought to light. But I also recognize that some things are best kept between me and God and maybe a few others so I hope and pray that I can practice discretion where it is necessary.
But I really hope you enjoy my ramblings. I should warn you that I am no writer. As such, I apologize for any glaring errors in my prose, all those of you who are more experienced than myself.
With that being said, I hope that you enjoy this glimpse into the inner workings of my mind.
You have been warned.